I was browsing through AskReddit quite recently and came across a post asking "Autistic people of Reddit, what's a question you've always had about social situations/unwritten rules? Neurotypical people, what are the answers?". Now, I figured I'd browse through and see what problems people were having. A major amount of people struggle to even leave the home, utter a few words or speak to strangers at all without running into problems with their speech. I'm thankful enough not to be among that crowd, however I feel that I can show support and understand that problem, something that a high percentage of the public cannot. Issues that affect people mentally are seen just as crazy and although right now there's no way to treat mental health issues long-term as a third-party, I feel at least some remorse should be shown to those who suffer.
Back to the original topic here, within the Reddit post I didn't find any posts relating to problems I had been having. The problem I have is that I don't know when it's acceptable to enter a conversation, so I just don't. Maybe? If that makes sense. It's like when I'm in work and I hear someone talking about my favourite show I'd feel the excitement rises and I'd want to join in, but on top of that excitement holding me down is anxiety and I'm thinking "but that's an A to B conversation, they won't want be joining in". So I don't, and then they constantly talk about my favourite show for the entire season and I'm sat there feeling alone and it's sort of like if I bring up the show two months down the line and it's like "you tell us now? We've literally been talking about it for months" and then what's my reason for not speaking to them about it? "Anxiety" I would rather not. You would think I'm being over-dramatic, I probably am, but that's the way my brain tells me to play the game. I have been in situations also where I have struck the courage to enter a conversation and I've been told that it's an "A to B conversation, C yourself out of it". I might have made a jokey comment, but as sarcastically as they said it, it was meant literally also.
It's either a high majority of people communicate the wrong way, or I just don't know how to. It's probably the latter, but then again we aren't taught how to communicate. We're just given the building blocks to so.
Right now I'm really into this Japanese band that my friend showed me in the pub. It took me a while to enjoy them, but two albums and every single live show later and I'm a BIG fan. I've bought merch, I have a Twitter account where I follow them and I have plans to see them live in the coming year. With all this hype going on, my friend doesn't even know I like them. I would even go as far to hide my phone where I have a picture as my background and not wear my t-shirts out because I feel I don't want to face the outcome. It would probably be a good outcome, but I don't want to face the attention. Maybe I don't like it when the spotlight is on me and knowing that I like this band and my friend knows he showed them me, he would make a big deal about it and I'd just feel like "Okay, spotlight off me now" and I don't even want to get into it to begin with. I don't even know if that makes sense, I'm just very socially out of touch and that makes me overthink what people would consider to be simple social situations.
From an outside point of view, I've always seen being sociable in the way I want to be relies on your mindset. You need to at least have the urge to want to have a conversation. My mind constantly tells me "I don't want to" and that's where my mindset is disorientated. In this situation I don't think the mind and your heart battling it out is the best option, you need to push your heart and make that option one that is comfortable with your mind. Your mind is as uncomfortable in the situations than you are as a person and it could take something as simple as one push to try and the pain will feel much lighter the next time.
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